Discourgaged

Over the past week or so I have had a feeling that I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t put my finger on it and I just didn’t know what to think about it. It felt very frustrating to not know what I was feeling.

Yesterday, I went to a chiropractor who does muscle stress testing, or in other words a “voodoo” doctor. As a side note, I use to make fun of my mother for going to such doctors when I was younger but I now find them wonderful. This chiropractor has been helping me get some internal issues fixed that conventional doctors have done all they can with western medicine. Not to worry though it is nothing serious just some side effects from an episode with Epstein Barr when I was 17. As the chiropractor was doing his muscle stress testing he found that I was stressed emotionally. I never mentioned anything to him about how I was feeling. He went through the different emotions to see what type of emotion was causing the stress and the main emotion was discouragement. Once he said those words a light bulb went off in my head and I realized that was what I have been feeling.

After I discovered what I was feeling it was a partial relief but the main problem was why? I had a pretty good idea why I was having these feelings but this morning a friend helped verbalize the thoughts I have had. I have been talking with my husband about an idea that I want to do and he is incredibly supportive of anything I have wanted to try or do, however, I just needed an outside support. While at Crossfit this morning, which was totally awesome, I was asking my sweet friend some questions about my grand idea. I told her about my feelings of discouragement and asked if it was normal. As she was telling me her thoughts on the different possibilities she said the one thing that I was thinking as well, “…usually it is Satan.” Another light bulb went off, more relief! So, after sweating out some residual discouragement emotions at Crossfit, I now feel a lot better.

After I went home, I looked up conference talks (talks from leaders of the LDS faith) to help me get over the last of this discouragement. I found several references from talks and in the scriptures. I want to share a few thoughts with you (I will be paraphrasing). “First is doubt. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God. Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit. Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.” (Elder Kevin W. Pearson, “Faith in The Lord Jesus Christ”, 2009 April General Conference) This quote was the basis of my discouragement, doubt. I have been doubting my abilities to write this blog, to be a good mother, to lose the weight I want, to be able to bench 100lbs, to carry a 205lb man on my back and many more things. Now I am still working towards a lot of these things but today I did carry a 205lb man on my back and last week I started this blog.

My point to this post is that we all have discouragement from time to time, we all have doubts. Someone said, “Do not expect to be free from trouble, disappointment, pain or discouragement. For these things are the things we were sent to earth to endure.” I endured today while carrying my workout partner on my back. I was sweating, hot, feeling a bit weak but I was happy, I was laughing, I conquered my doubt, I endured. Do not get me wrong, I do not believe life is meant to be endured but we are to have joy in this life. There are days though that we must endure and keep pushing through till we see that light at the end of the tunnel. We must have faith. It could be faith in God, faith in Jesus Christ, faith in a friend, faith in yourself, but we all need to lean, or sometimes fall, on our faith till we see the bigger picture. Discouragement is not fun and it never will be. However, like my favorite saying of all time says, “come what may and love it!” If we truly take this last phrase to heart, I believe we would all go to bed every night happier and healthier.