Waiting….

Small confession here… I am one of those people who is always, quietly, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know it’s not a great way to live, in fact it’s kind of only half living really. I think it’s sort of my husbands fault though. He’s accident prone. And now we have two beautiful girls who share his DNA along with my Allred (also accident prone) DNA.

  
Maybe it is a normal parenting fear. Maybe I have witnessed just enough tragedy in my life so far. I am not exactly sure of the reason. As I was thinking on this today, I came across a blog post about “things to tell me husband if I die first.” Truthfully, I am always more concerned with Bush or the girls going before me. I have not really given it much thought to what if I go first? 
So I thought maybe I will write down a few things for Bush if I die first. 
1- You’ve got this babe! You will be able to do this and do it well. Just remember what I “taught” you about girls. And Don’t forget to brush their hair.
2- Don’t shy away from uncomfortable topics like periods, sex, vaginas and such. You have many resources between family and friends to help if you need. Keep the communication line open and frequent. Be honest, tell them it’s normal to have certain feelings and that’s not bad. Let them know you are their safe space even if they mess up. Don’t just tell them this, show it to them over and over.
3- It is ok to get rid of my stuff. You know I’m not very sentimental and it’s just stuff.
4- Make time for yourself. Do the things that make you, you. Being provider and single parent will take its toll, so don’t forget to make time for you.
5- Don’t take life too serious. Laugh, a lot! Keep sarcasm alive and well in our family. 
6- Don’t be easy on the girls just because they went through something hard. They aren’t allowed to be mean (I would use another word but I know my mom reads this) and when they are, because they will be, make them make it right.
7- Don’t give up on your dreams. Let them see you achieve your goals and dreams despite hardship.
8- After an appropriate amount of time (bare minimum of a year) it’s ok to start dating. Make sure she isn’t quite as awesome as me but just about as awesome. Make sure she is kind to our girls. As much as I would prefer that you become a male nun, I also know it’s important for the girls to have a mom in their life. 
9- You have amazing friends. Keep those friendships close. 
10- Parent the way that feels right to you. Not how you think I would do it or anyone else. Be authentic to you and what your instincts tell you. I have full confidence in you. 
The last thing I will say is don’t make my funeral sad and sappy. You know how much I hate crying! Make it unexpected and light hearted, like me. Give everyone a balloon and then release them all at once. Don’t play just church hymns, how boring. Make sure at least one song is a bit inappropriate and would make my mom cringe just a little. 
Now I hope this list never needs to used but life is unexpected. It’s a beautiful ride, full of ups and downs. We can’t predict what will happen. I wouldn’t want a crystal ball even if it was offered to me. I’m still taking every day one at a time but for today, I’m going to let go of the fear of the other shoe dropping.